Responsible and Victimized

Today, we are going to go back to studying the traits of the creators and the consumer in our search to rid ourselves of the consumer culture that we’ve been immersed in.  Going back to the Creator’s Wheel we’ll focus on the responsible trait which is part the proactive hallmark of a creator.  We’ll start by talking about the equivalent consumer trait of victimized:

One of the phrases I hear all the time is “It is what it is”.  For example,

Ma: “We had to put an extra $700 on the credit card this month.”

Pa: “Well, it is what it is.  Everything is just so expensive these days.”

Ma: “The house is a mess.”

Pa: “Well, it is what it is.  The kids just don’t put anything away.”

Ma: “We don’t have anything for dinner.”

Pa: “Well, it is what it is.  Let’s just go get takeout.”

Ma: "Suzy is failing geometry.”

Pa: “Well, it is what it is.  Math was never her strong suit.”  

I have no idea where this phrase came from, but I’ve come to despise it. 

Our projects, dreams, ambitions, finances, and marriages fail.  And who’s to blame?  We blame the market, the customer, the spouse, the lack of opportunity, the lack of communication, the organizational dysfunction, …, our bosses, our coworkers, our teammates, our memory, our kids, our paycheck, our upbringing, our busy schedules, and our rotten luck.  When we succeed, we proudly take the credit, but when we fail, we look for somewhere to put the blame.  It is what it is.   We have become a victimized culture.

There’s something comforting about being a victim, isn’t there?  Remember being in elementary school and being jealous of the kid who broke his leg and showed up to school in a cast?  Remember all the attention and special treatment he got?  How he didn’t have to participate in any classroom activities unless he “felt well enough?”

Well, we’ve grown up into adults that also look for the entitlement that victimization provides.

But victimization is more than just a list of excuses.  It’s big business.  Have you ever seen the annoying low-budget personal injury lawyer commercials on TV?  Would you believe that these injury law firms are making huge contributions to politicians who then support laws that enable injury lawsuits?  In fact, one major political party in Texas received 75% of its total donations over a several year span from personal injury law firms alone! (1)  So, maybe some of these firms are really just trying to help people who fell into the clutches of gross corporate neglect.  But if their cause is so noble, why do they need to pad politician’s pockets to pass these laws?  Sounds to me like these firms are just giant slot machines for people looking to hit the victim jackpot. (2)

But you are a creator!  You will never let yourself be a victim of circumstance.  You weren’t put on this earth to take whatever is handed to you.  You were created to passionately pursue your destiny! But how?

This is where you break out the creator’s trait of responsibility.  Responsibility never says, “It is what it is” but rather, “It is what we make it”.

Let’s give it a give it a try.

Ma: “We had to put an extra $700 on the credit card this month.”

Pa: “Well, it is what we make it. We better take a look at this month's spending.”

Ma: “The house is a mess.”

Pa: “Well, it is what we make it.  Let's put a chore list together for the family.”

Ma: “We don’t have anything for dinner.”

Pa: “Well, it is what we make it.  Let’s make a menu for next week's meals.”

Ma: "Suzy is failing geometry.”

Pa: “Well, it is what we make it.  Let's shut off the phone and TV until she is done with homework in the evenings.”  

 

You see how the whole posture of the conversation changed?  Pa can no longer bury his head in the proverbial sand of excuses.  He’s now identified himself and his family as the owners of this problem and the proprietors of its ultimate outcome.  He’s turned to stare the problem in the face and has recognized that without intentional action and change, things will not get better.

John F. Kennedy once said, “Victory has a thousand fathers, but defeat is an orphan.”

So, my challenge for you is to do more than just father your victories, adopt your problems.  Be responsible.  Stamp your name and reputation on them.  They will start out sickly, malnourished, and on death’s doorstep, but you are a creator!  You were born to proactively and creatively design the change and actions needed to get them back on track.  That’s what this whole Consumers and Creators effort is about!

But sometimes they won’t get better, and despite your best efforts, your problems lead to failure.  That’s not just ok, it’s essential.  Fear of failure is paralyzing, but responsibility is mobilizing.  If you are not failing, you are not growing.  You’ll go through the trenches with dignity and learn from every scar.  Battle-hardened, lean, and passionate, you’ll adopt the next problem that the consumer rightfully neglected.  The creator grows.

(1) Sherry Sylvester Report on Texas Political Contributions
(2) If you would like to learn about or donate to an organization that works to fight unjust lawsuits check out sickoflawsuits.org